Waiting

I waited for him

And he chose her.

 

I waited for her

And she chose him.

 

I waited for him

And he chose me

Only to follow her as she walked by

I continued to wait

And wait

And wait

Some days I wonder if part of me is still waiting.

 

I waited for him

And he chose her.

 

I waited for them

But he chose her

And she chose him

Toying me along all the while.

I still wait for him,

Despite him choosing a different her.

 

I waited for him

I waited for him

Did I have him?

Did he have me?

I never knew

But I got tired of waiting.

So for once I left.

 

And here I am.

So long after deciding no more waiting

But knowing nothing besides how to do so.

I wait

I pine

I hope you’ll realize I’m too afraid

That I don’t know how to approach

That I am so used to assuming that I won’t be wanted,

that I figure you’ll be the same.

All I’ve done is wait.

Why should this time be any different?

And yet I dream of your arms around me, I long for your understanding

My heart sinks when I see you.

 

After all, what appeal is there?

A women…no. A girl.

A girl who doesn’t know herself.

Who doesn’t love herself.

Who doesn’t even know what she does and doesn’t want.

 

Once again I sit here,

Looking

Waiting

Pining

Hoping

Knowing.

 

Knowing that you’ll be just like the rest, and I’ll be left to pine until I leave.

Until I learn to act.

Until I stop waiting.

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